was typing my entry ytd then suddenly ran out of the mood to cont plus, didnt have the inspiration to cont the entry.. lol.. 2day start new entry ba & i shall reflect on wat happen ytd.. yeap..


ytd was sbm day..sth like prize giving day ba.. rem that time in pri to sec sch.. prize giving day always gets me inspired and motivated.. lol.. NOT cos of the prizes, but looking at the award winners, see them so hardworking, so motivated makes me wanna be like them.. den i'll be thinkin "ok! i've set my mind to study harder!! cut down on TV shows, on playin the com & all the distractions!" LOL. yeap tt's wat i'll be thinkin then.. but as usual that mindset slowly fade back to nothing-ness.. how come i'll lose the motivation 2 succeed in life huh?! aiyoyo~ but den its all back to the topic discipline ba.. w/o discipline no matter how motivated a person is, everything is a waste.. i MUST learn 2 discipline myself le.. yeap cos i reali HATE parents to discipline me.. cos all my mum ever does is NAG~! den my mood totally is lost, will end up slacking instead.. i muz jia you jia you! =p



2.08pm: wah tt was morning entry.. lol.. was bz at office.. ok la.. wun say very bz was helpin frdx den went for lunch. lol.. met up bee ting & gang! so funny la.. enjoyed lunch session yeap.. oh ya e onli ting was poh eng & fazliah nv go! aiyoyo~! if not e clique wld be more complete lol.. but nvm i noe poh eng & fazliah always dun eat de ma..lol..anyway had black pepper chicken for lunch.. it was nice.. lol.. but den i tink e sause a bit 2 much le..lol..so had 2 remove some of it..yeap..den was listening to them talkin crap all that.. lol.. bee ting is as lame as she used 2 be! lol.. which is good oso.. happy-go-lucky person.. oh! den we were talking abt havin a class chalet.. lol.. excited! reali reali hope we'll work sth out!! yeap.. or rather hope more ppl will go lo! if not sure very very sian.. haha..



den me n bee ting were talkin about parents thingy when we were outside my office. aiyo! i say my unhappiness till wanna cry out.. felt the same freakin feelings i have felt since sec sch days.. mayb tt's wat made my mood change ba.. 心里觉得好闷好闷！还觉得眼泪要溜出来。。不过我认。。lucky tt feeling was not so strong so manage to control it ba.. i juz dun understand my parents sometimes.. ytd my dad gave me the feeling that he don't trust me either.. haha~ i didnt noe to laugh or to cry.. i juz ignored tt feeling ba.. to me i dun blame them for not trusting me, i deserve it.. i lied to them b4, they knew abt it so i noe they wun trust me. wat im hurt abt is tt when i told the truth, they deny me of going out! argh! i've been repeating this sentence for dun noe how many times le! i noe think abt it oso no use.. guess rite now, i juz have to be more confident. esp when i noe im telling the truth den there's nth 2 hide already.. y shld i bother if they tink im lyin or not?! fed up of all these.. all their attitude & their freaking tone!



sometimes my mum reali make me feel that im a terrible daughter lo.. dun help her wif house work, always not studyin enough, always usin the com or the fone, not talkin 2 her, (to her) i always go out, always showing her attitude or always ignoring her.. i noe frdx and dear sure ask me to talk things out wif her, tell her my feelings.. if not how will my mum ever noe rite? i tried talkin 2 her once, or rather twice.. both ended up making me feel worst.. even more disappointed.. end up i was e 1 listening while she was e 1 talkin.. zzz.. talk 2 my dad? haix though he is more (what's e word?) able to handle such tings beta.. i still cant talk to him! mayb cos i've been afraid of him since young ba.. the fear is juz there.. plus im already havin a hard time expressing myself.. facing dad will be worst..haix...



4.55pm: OMG! this entry is not onli long..it took me e whole morning and aftnoon to write! n still haven fin..so much more 2 write sia..lol.. e sharin session was SUPER LONG!! wah from ard 3.20pm till 4.51pm la! wah.. den was helping IM to do the mins taking.. it's e LONGEST mins i ever wrote! LOL.. but was fun writin it.. at least i didnt fall aslp.. LOL i reali reali like 2 write tings sia.. which is so totally weird.. lol.. but like dear said im a weird girl.. =p

7.59pm: juz bath fin not long ago... totally in e wrong mood rite now.. all e happy tots gone again.. haha~ i seriously HATE myself a lot a lot~! no matter what i do, i'll end up hurting ppl. dear will ask if i noe e prob, & i noe e solution, how come i'm not using the solution? haix dun noe la~ i seriously sux.. i dun deserve ppl 2 cherish me at all.. or rather i dun deserve dear 2 cherish me at all.. argh~! i dun noe wat 2 say le....... shall finally en the long entry ba...

Hakuna Matata ; 9:35 AM