been ages since i blogged.. everyday dun noe y cant find e time 2 blog sia.. mayb cos currently everyday hm so late, n nite time pei BaoBei, den late nites need 2 do his present.. hmm.. wondering if i can fin..!! i have 2 fin sia!! last nite though stayed up quite long but 2me i dun tink i did much... sigh...

fri Daphne got scolded by Ms Lim for Ms Chia mistakes.. zzz.. how come e world is so unfair? sigh.. hmm.. but anyway i got a shock 2 see Daphne cryin.. she didnt seem thugh type who cried easily.. sigh.. did Ms Lim scold till tt bad? sigh.. anyway i felt bad cos me n yong chuanwent up wif new batch to set up POS.. den we not there 2 get scolded wif her.. sigh.. but tt mornin my mood was off oso.. cos e nite b4 suppose 2 meet BaoBei.. den i fell aslp! haix..

i dun noe wat made me wake up at 4+ am, at tt time i was prepared to well.. i wun say quarrel..but ya.. tings wun b happy btwn us.. when he msg me.. can still sense e coldness de.. sigh.. its not tt i blame him.. i blamed myself.. seriously.. e past seem 2 repeat itself.. juz tt dis time, im e 1 hurtin n disappointing him.. haix.. tt day sittin down wif Daphne at a place, i sat there tinkin.. everyting ard me has got its use.. me leh? tt time i reali felt so useless.. this was wat i tot: e trees so green, so tall standing there oso has got its uses.. it helps shade ppl fr the sun, he gives ppl oxygen n rid carbon dioxide when its photosynthsizing (got such word? lol), even e grass has uses.. helps to hold e soil 2gether... me? wat can i do sia.? a simple ting such as stayin up, i oso can mess up...haix..

but i noe he was upset not cos i fell aslp, but 2him, it shows tt he not impt enough for me 2 stay awake.. sigh.. i reali dun noe wat 2 do sometimes.. i dun noe how den i can show tt he reali mean a lot 2 me! even hwee hua oso feels tt when wif her bf.. aiyo~ y y y like tt? each time he says serious stuff 2 me.. i lose confidence in myself again.. n when he says serious stuff, all i can tink of is to cry.. zzz.. i dun even noe wat 2 say 2 make him noe he reali impt 2 me.. last nite, he asked me 2 tink fr his pt of view, it'll help me.. i promised i'll change in e shortest time possible.. i noe wat he means.. it juz tt i feel so stupid nar!! all he wants is juz wat i wan in e past.. but how come when it comes 2 me, everyting i do juz seem so wrong..?! haix.. like tt would i rather he treat me badly? den i wun feel so guilty? he asked.. i dun wan him 2 treat me badly sia.. or rather coldly, yet.. haix.. im doin tings wrongly.. ytd i said sth, den he jk say sth tt shows i dun sound convincing nar.. a sudden pain shot to my heart.. but all i blamed was myself.. haix..

morning woke up, dun noe y felt so moody le.. sigh.. i noe BaoBei dun wan me 2 blame myself.. n tt he tell me everyting is juz so tt i'll noe how he feels, n mind him telling me.. i reali reali hope i can change asap.. not chage myself into a diff person, juz change 2 become more caring ba.. tears threatening 2 fall le.. sigh.. beta stop here..

gonna meet BaoBei soon.. so beta start preparing le.. ^^ dun wan him 2 wait for me.. hope i wun be late.. shall update abt Khoo Yu bday another time.. but hope he reali had a good time. gonna meet hui wen lata!! oh! n my report is finally completed! lol..

Hakuna Matata ; 11:23 AM