though my dad always keeps his mouth shut most of e time when there's unhappiness "conflicts" in the fam, but i noe he does observe n "hear" tings though he seems not 2 care or listen..
how i noe?
ytd i rem why i dislike being in the car alone wif him.. he'll start "talkin"..n i'll get nervous cos i wun noe wat 2 say... im not sayin him talkin is a bad ting.. its been ages since i complained so much 2 him like ytd..complained abt chers n sch.. reali been long.. suddenly rem words which he said b4.. "u noe how much it hurts me anot? that u are keepin secrets fr me..papa 的心很痛， 你知道吗？ i'm suppose 2 be like ur best frd, since young i've always carry u... be there for u... watever u wan, i oso give...." at tt pt.. i saw unshed tears in his eyes.. n at tt moment all e angryness i felt then, all the frustrations became sadness n tears.. i cried.. it hurts.. it hurts tt i hurt my parents so badly.. tt im such a horrible horrible child...
ytd dad said,"talk 2ur mother nicely...esp when outside.." i felt so gulity then.. reali.. i noe i treat my mum TERRIBLY! believe me.. when i say tt.. i get impatient wif her.. so does my sis... when all she ever tried 2 do was to care for us... no matter wat she does.. she always ALWAYS tink of us 1st.. even though we hurt her again n again.. she still do tings for us.. mayb tt's y we always take her for granted... which i so hate myself for doin~ i always complain my mum's too over protective.. which is true la.. i still believe tt in order 2 learn abt life.. we cant b kept in e caged n protected forever.. but her love for us is reali reali no1 else can replace de... see her so sick, she still wakes up early 2 cook porridge, see her so tired she nv complains when we ask her 2 make us supper.. yet.. i repay her wif my attitude.. sigh~
y m i so impatient?! not onli 2 my mum.. even 2 my sis... i noe her pain n e phrase she's gg thru.. yet im doin wat tings which i hated others 2 do in e past...
argh~ i dun even wanna cont my list of badness.... im juz a selfish idiotic freak!
Hakuna Matata ; 11:10 AM
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